| Question 1: *Dear Sir, I am mother for 3 kids ages 8,5,3. I always have problem with my elder daughter to settle her down with her school homework she sometimes lies says " there is no homework" and at times refuse to take her book. When i shout then she will drag herself to her room and open the book and dream. I have used all kind of ways to overcome her behaviour but still the same. I always coach her in schoolwork, assessments. I talk to her like a friend, bring her out and make her participate in games and sometimes we do some outdoor activities go fishing, cycling, library, movies and so on. Always my husband & i quarrel bcos of her studies. I really wack her so hard sometimes and cry over that I been so harsh on her but i love her so much. She is well behaved girl but why she is not putting the effort so i feel that she is not giving her best to us. Now i am lost and don now wat to do & i really need your advice sir pls help!!!!
Answer: Hi, it certainly seems like you are currently under a lot of stress. You have a handful. It is not an easy task to manage 3 children of these ages. It is difficult to keep a level head when you are stressed. Please try to manage your stress first. Please do seek help and support. I am also puzzled! You mentioned that your daughter is a well behaved girl, then why are you "wacking" her and feeling "guilty" thereafter? Are you hoping that beating her will change her behaviour at home? Think again! Do you seriously think beating her is going to motivate her to perform better? I am also curious about what you and your husband quarrel about? What is his view on this issue? Is there conflict over who is responsible for your daughter's performance or how it should be addressed? From your description it sounds like you have expectations of her that she can't meet. Moreover, she must be very fearful of doing homework with you as it could be a painful experience for her - to such an extend that she even needs to lie to get away from it. To begin with, watch what you are doing, during your "coaching" sessions with her. Are you making it too stressful for her? How is her performance in school especially in class during lessons? Chatting with her teacher can give you some ideas of what else you can do. Lastly, all your activities with her are "conditional" - you are expecting her to pay you back by being motivated to do her work when you want. I am not sure if this is a good approach. Please drop this intent and keep these activities for leisure alone. Some suggestions:
- Please re-assess your expectations with regards to what she can achieve in terms of learning with you.
- Resolve any conflict with husband on this issue ASAP.
- "Chunking" - break the time to do homework into shorter periods and make it less tiresome for her.
- Seek professional help if need be.
Best Wishes!
Question 2:
*Dear Sir,
My son is in Primary 1 this year. Since from nursery it has been very difficult for me to make him sit to read nor write. Now with exams and homework he just refuses to learn. When it comes to play or watch television, he is ever so ready for that without any reminders. Sometimes he even does not remember what he has learnt in school nor remember spelling words. What should I do to help him with the concentration and memory. Please advise me on this matter.
Thanks & Regards
Mrs Thangaraj
Answer :
Mrs Thangaraj, play is definitely more fun and we want to do things that makes us happy and so we naturally remember them better. Looks like your son is still in the process of adjusting to formal school setting. He is probably still behaving like what he used to in the nursery. Try role modeling what you want him to do by allocating a routine at home for yourself to seat and read something or to do paper work with the TV, Radio and Phone switched off. Call it your reading time and do not allow any distraction. Give him permission to seat with you but not to distract you. Most importantly look happy doing it. Children will eventually understand these routines. Secondly, stop checking on his spelling all the time. Do it naturally. Highlight names when you come across things daily. You may also form the words into a rhythm with a jingle for him to recall better. Happy parenting!
Best Wishes!
Question 3:
*Dear Sir,
Hi, my only daughter is 3 year old now. As per the feedback from the childcare, she is a very active girl and good in Studies too. Sometimes, she is very mischievous, stubborn, expecting the 100% attention of people towards her , especially me and her dad. When we spoke to her, she can understand if she is doing right or wrong, still stands on her own decision. The teacher gave a feedback that she thinks of her as a Boy and play with the boys most of the time and she may also get the beatings and scratches from those boys because she stand erect with them. I talked to her softly and sometimes beat her for her stubbornness. For both the ways, some times it works and sometimes not. I was really confused of how to handle her in this manner and to make her soft. She is clever enough to understand things going around, still pertaining her own stand. Pls help of how to handle her and in what way it will help her.
Answer :
Dear Parent, I am happy to note that your daughter is very active and good in her studies as per feedback from the childcare. I think it is perfectly fine to allow your daughter who is only 3 years old to play with the boys. Let's not get them into stereotyped roles too early. Children between two and a half to 4 years will exhibit behaviours that may seem rebellious. But this is a growing up phase where the child experiments and exercises his independence. Yes, children do want your attention at this age especially when they do not see you at home all the time. Be patient with her and do try to attend to her before she breaks into attention seeking behaviours. That is to give her attention when she is behaving well and not when she is misbehaving.
Best Wishes!
Question 4 :
*Dear Sir,
My son niki is just 2 and half years old, but he yet to start to speak other than a few words of "amma","appa" and "sami". My most important concern is whenever i take him out for shopping , library etc he seems to get terribly excited and starts hop around like a kangaroo and no matter how many times i try to make him calm he will bounce back again and he is the friendliest kid you`ll ever meet and he is comfortable with virtual strangers. my son has no friends and we have no elderly relations living nearby and most of the time he spents with me. Is it because he is lonely that he gets excited when i take him out??? He is too stubborn,overactive and no punishment fazes him and nothing can frighten him. How can calm my little son???
Answer: You have a lovely child on your hands. Let him be himself and enjoy his childhood. Children get very excited when they go out and his behaviour is normal. What you may want to learn is how to play with him and show excitement about the things around us. It would also be wise for you to give him more opportunities to interact with others especially kids his age. Have you considered a nursery? This will help his language and social skills development. Boys take longer to develop language skills and so give him time. Please continue to talk to him normally as you would with others.
Best Wishes! |
